Talk about an odd night for me. It is New Years day, three hours into year 2005 and all I have are weird feelings. New Year’s Eve is a night when most guys with girlfriends are with them, and most girls with boyfriends are with them. I’m used to a night where all my friends are together under one roof and we just have fun together. I guess I’m growing up.
Tonight consisted of me having absolutely no idea what to do. I went to my first friend’s house and he was there with his new found girlfriend and his older sister with her husband and then about six other couples. I left there, not wanting to be the 15th wheel (Bethany’s joke), and went to my other friends house. That was only to be met with him and his fiancé, and his sister and his wife. My other friend was at his girlfriend’s house with his parents. All of sudden my three closest friends that I wanted to spend New Year’s with are doing their own thing, and I’m just kind of tagging along and trying to find out which of these friends wouldn’t mind me being around them.
I have other friends that wanted to hang out tonight, but we just finished a massive party last night with over eighty people and it was all planned by me and Darryl so I was kind of exhausted and just wanted to be with a small number of people. But then you have the problem of girlfriends not knowing everyone, and people not liking other people (yes ridiculous problems, nevertheless, still problems) and people not knowing people and wanting to be with people they know and so many other dumb issues. So tonight, maybe my problem is I’m growing up.
My three closest friends have girlfriends. I don’t know if you’ve been there but it completely changes the dynamic of a friendship when one friend gets a girlfriend. First, it really tests your friendship with that person, and I’m glad to say we’re all still friends. Second, it makes you realize you can’t depend on your friends for everything. I’m the type of guy that lived and died by my friends. It was because of my friends that I stayed sober and a virgin all through high school. We were unbreakable, peer pressure never phased us and we just stayed close since I was four years old. Our friendships were unbreakable and we encouraged each other and were always there for each other. It was amazing. Times have changed now, our friendships have matured and we all have moved on. Phil lives in Halifax, Kevin in Sarnia and Darryl I’m lucky enough to still be living with and one has a fiancé and the other two girlfriends.
Even though I’m single, and I love it, let me tell you it’s still kind of lonely to have no one to kiss on New Years and no one to spend the night with. God used tonight to show me a lot of things, one of them is being content with where God has me. It’s hard at times, but I know the last year and a half have been completely set up by God, and I’ve been brought through a lot and God has taught me a lot.
It’s funny because this entire entry was inspired of a weird feeling of loneliness, one that I’m not used to feeling. I’m usually the guy that feels secure in my friendships and the place in my life, and it takes a night like tonight to break me show me how dependant I really am. So I guess these are the times where I need to suck up the feelings, and move on and just wait and enjoy life where God has me. Happy New Year!
You don’t know me, but I’ve been reading your blogsite of late. (I know Nick from Redeemer.) I am very inspired by what you’ve been writing. Thank you for sharing that with us. I understand the lonliness thing, I’ve definately been there. Sometimes it’s hard, but knowing God’s in control is a comforting thought. Thanks for sharing.